a letter to the illiterate, A.K.A. tea-baggers

October 27th, 2010 from the wordpress blog fucktheteabagger

Dear bug eaters,

Shut the fuck up. Just for five fucking minutes.

We know you want to end taxation. We know you don’t care that every reputable economist on the goddamned fucking planet has tried to explain to you inbred sisterfuckers that austerity budgets and tax breaks for billionaires and transnational corporations makes joblessness worse, not better. It makes the recession worse, not better. It makes the deficit worse, not better.

Update:  Look at Greece.

But you don’t care what experts have to say, do you, knuckle-draggers, because all you care about is what makes you feel better. And what makes you feel better, apparently, is waddling up and down the street with powdered wigs and little flags and misspelled signs with pictures of the president wearing a turban, and you think that makes your opinion equal to those of educated experts who do research for a living. Don’t you get how utterly fucking bug-stupid that makes you look?

We know you want to drill for oil in Yellowstone and downtown Detroit and fucking Disneyland and two miles down through the fucking Antarctic ice cap and on Mars and every goddamned place you can think of, until the entire solar system is a polluted piece of steaming shit just like fucking Texas.

We know you email each other ape jokes and watermelon jokes and other racist Ku Klux Klan fucking bullshit – just what, less than three years? –  after screaming TREASON! at anyone who dared disagree with George W. Bush, and two years after deciding to tell everyone you’re not actually Republican because that would mean you voted for the moron who destroyed our economy.

Guess what? The 80 percent of us who think you’re a bunch of fucking retarded clowns are sick and tired of hearing about you. The 80 percent of us who think education is actually a good thing are tired of hearing you pontificate about shit you don’t know because you can barely spell your own names.

Like how you think the Internet is a bunch of fucking tubes.

How you think evolution isn’t real because the other monkeys haven’t evolved into people yet.
How you think we’ll still have roads and courtrooms and jails and people checking for e.coli in your WalMart burger meat without paying any taxes.

How you think it’s okay for you to accuse the president of being Muslim without any evidence—and then act like it’s a bad thing if he WAS a Muslim because you loathsome asswipes judge people by what group they belong to—not by their credentials as individuals.

How you hate Affirmative Action until it’s used to give preferential treatment to white students over students from Asia, or preferential treatment to the underachieving white children of the wealthiest donors. What a fucking bunch of racist hypocrites.

How you think lesbians have taken over the public university system—despite the fact that all the trustees and presidents and football coaches and most of the professors and most of the students and every evil fucker in any position of power happens to be in possession of a snow white penis.

How you think unions are the bullies with all the power and all the money while corporations are the victims with none of the power and none of the money, with no incentive to screw you because for some reason you’d rather pay them double, triple, quadruple for the same fucking services your taxes used to provide before they were used to pay for tax cuts to people who own yachts and jets. You dumb fucking idiots.

[OK, this next part is pretty dated, but knowing repiglickins, anything is still possible, candidate-wise] ...

How you think some stupid bitch from Alaska actually knows any goddamned fucking thing about Russia just because Alaska is closer to Russia, than say, the Russian embassy in Washington Fucking D.C., you geopolitically-challenged shit-for-brained nine-year-olds! Meanwhile not a single one of you can say a single specific thing about any specific policy this stupid bitch has ever advocated. But you will of course scream at the top of your lungs that calling her bitch is sooooo wrong because Lord knows you’ve never called Hillary the c-word after wiping the beer foam off the ends of your snouts. What a bunch of misogynistic hypocrites.

Fuck you and your own personal fucking “news” channel, where you’re invited to spew your fucktarded bullshit with Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity and the rest of the animal house twenty four hours every fucking merciless day. If they told you the only way to love America was to take a dump on on a downtown street corner, you’d be pushing each other out of the way to be first.

Did you know they laugh at you behind your backs every two weeks when their seven-figure paychecks arrive, you stupid tools?

Liberal media, huh? One million Latinos march for immigration reform in Los Angeles, but on every donkeypissing television station across America all we see is a tribe of twenty assholes in plaid picketing on a street corner in Arizona because they flunked economics AND history in high school and don’t know the first thing about the Founding Fathers, the Constitution, the history of our court system, OR the history of the last eight goddamned years in this country we love more than you do. Yes, more than you do—because we care enough about it to protect everyone’s freedoms—not just our own. Everyone’s property, not just our own. Everyone’s tax money, not just our own.

What a smarmy drooling circus you fuckers are.

Shut the fuck up for five fucking minutes, just for once. A town hall meeting is not for screamers. No one wants to smell your Cheetos breath from across the room. No one wants to smell the sweat stains under your armpits as you flail, spraying spittle. A town hall meeting is for people to discuss things, not scream. Stop fucking playing the victim when the SEIU dares to use YOUR OWN goddamned town hall tactics against you. Just because most of the rest of us fear all you scary, hooded, screaming, violent bastards doesn’t mean we all have to just sit there and take it. Fuck you. We want you to go away, back to your basements, back to your generators and your canned peas and your mistranslated bibles and your pregnant daughters, waiting for the rapture while you leave the rest of us the fuck alone.

You lost the goddamned fucking presidential election, you bastards.

Go away!

*****

What an absolute joy this essay was to read.  And how frightening that nothing has really changed. 

Proof of that is the latest shit-on-a-stick-dressed-like-candy Rick Santorum and his personal piggybank, Billionaire Sugar Daddy Friess.  If ever there was a reason to impeach 5/4 of the Supreme Court over a mindless suck-ass decision, it was Citizens United which has paved the way for teabagger assholes like Foster Friess and his cronies the Kochs to buy elections.  Of course, Santorum - who well deserves everything Google has done for him - has been quick to slither on over to FUX News and defend Mr. Moneybags.

an open letter to wall street

[blatantly lifted from Truthout . . .]

Before anything else, I would like to apologize for the mess outside your office. It's been three weeks since all those hippies and punk-rockers and students and union members and working mothers and single fathers and airline pilots and teachers and retail workers and military service members and foreclosure victims decided to camp out on your turf, and I'm sure it has been quite an inconvenience for you. How is a person supposed to spend their massive, virtually untaxed bonus money on a double latte and an eight-ball with all that rabble clogging the sidewalks, right?

Your friends at JP Morgan Chase just donated $4.6 million to the New York City Police Foundation, the largest donation ever given to the NYPD. You'd think that much cheese would buy a little crowd control, but no. Sure, one of the "white shirt" commanding NYPD officers on the scene hosed down some defenseless women with pepper spray the other day, and a few other protesters have been roughed up here and there, and having any kind of recording device has proven to be grounds for immediate arrest, but seriously...for $4.6 million, you'd think the cops would oblige you by bulldozing these troublemakers right into the Hudson River. Better yet, pave them over with yellow bricks, so you can walk over them every day on your way in to work.

That's what you do anyway, right? Every single day. I know it. You know it. We might as well be honest about it, and if some shiny golden bricks wind up serving as anonymous tombstones for your working-class doormats, well, that's just what they call in Wisconsin "hard cheese." You're a Master of the Universe, after all, and this recess(depress)ion hasn't touched you to any great degree. Sure, you have to shoulder your way through more homeless people these days, and damn if there aren't a lot more potholes to tax the undercarriage of your Audi R8 GT, but your money is making money at a fantastic rate, and paying taxes is for other people; I mean, come on, your accountant bursts out laughing whenever he hears the words "capital gains tax," so your egregious sense of entitlement is entirely understandable.

Now is the time to bone up on your coping skills, because three weeks is nothing. The people camped out on Wall Street are not leaving unless and until they are cleared out by force. They look all kinds of silly in their outfits, and some of their statements don't make a whole lot of sense to people like you, but they have put down roots, and you better get used to them. I'm sure the whole phenomenon is quite perplexing to you - really, why don't they just go home? Don't these people have jobs?

I hate to be the Irony Police, but that's pretty much the whole point. They can't, and they don't. Have homes and jobs, I mean. There was a guy out there a few days ago holding a sign in front of a mortgage-lending institution that read "These People Took My Parent's Home." There are all sorts of people walking around Wall Street yelling their lungs out at you because, well, they really would like the opportunity to find gainful employment, as well as a future, but that nifty shell game you and yours pulled off (on our dime) wound up immolating the economy of the common man/woman, and so the common man/woman has decided - in lieu of anything else better to do - to spend their you-created idle hours on your doorstep.

Let's face it: the mess outside your office is your doing. You and your friends bought this democracy wholesale - ah, yes, the irony of freedom is found in the way you were able to corrupt so many legislators with your money, always legally, because the legislators you bought are the ones writing the laws covering political contributions, and thus the wheel of corruption turns and turns - and now you want this democracy to do your bidding after the bill for your excess and fathomless greed has come due.

You are always taken care of - see the Citizens United decision, which unleashed you in a way not seen since the dregs of the Roman Empire - but, still, there are those pesky protesters, exercising their freedom of expression in order to expose you for the brigands that you are.

They're staying put, with many more on the way - to New York as well as every major city from sea to shining sea -  and none of them are going anywhere else until people like you are taken from your citadels in handcuffs and made to pay for the ongoing rape of what was once quaintly called the American Dream...a dream that used to be something other than a dated metaphor, and can be something true and real and genuine once again, but only after we pave you under, and walk over you, on our way to a better, brighter future.

~~ William Rivers Pitt

William Rivers Pitt is a Truthout editor and columnist.  He is also a New York Times and internationally bestselling author of three books: "War on Iraq: What Team Bush Doesn't Want You to Know," "The Greatest Sedition Is Silence" and "House of Ill Repute: Reflections on War, Lies, and America's Ravaged Reputation." He lives and works in Boston.

srsly, what's the REAL agenda?

Back in the day I used to think that James Carville was Da Man.  He was a real, live ass-kicker, a Clinton-henchman that not too many people wanted to mess with.  And – truth be told – he was probably mighty unpopular with a lot of people.  Republican people, mostly.

Wiki’s lead paragraph on Carville looks like this:  “Chester James Carville, Jr. (born October 25, 1944) is an American political consultant, commentator, educator, actor (sorry, I have to laugh at this one), attorney, media personality, and prominent liberal pundit. Carville gained national attention for his work as the lead strategist of the successful presidential campaign of then-Arkansas governor Bill Clinton. Carville was a co-host of CNN's Crossfire until its final broadcast in June 2005. Since its cancellation, he has appeared on CNN's news program, The Situation Room. As of 2009, he hosts a weekly program on XM Radio titled 60/20 Sports with Luke Russert, son of the late Tim Russert who hosted NBC's Meet The Press. He is married to Republican political consultant Mary Matalin. In 2009, he began teaching political science at Tulane University.”  Gee, did Carville write his own copy for this entry?

[[Matalin, BTW, was an assistant to President George W. Bush and counselor to Vice President Dick Cheney until 2003.  The Carville-Matalin household must be some crazy place.  Just sayin’.]]

James Carville and George (media whore) Stephanopoulos – also of Clinton fame – (off-subject, I just can’t think about George without thinking of the ‘Friends’ episode where he “appeared” naked, and what this means to me is that he simply has no credibility; and yes, I know he did not actually appear naked) - anyway these two-ex-Clinton guys are apparently BFF, or at least ‘buds’ so long as they can benefit each other’s career.   So it was not surprising to hear George do some name dropping in his own blog yesterday, to quote:

“Democratic strategist James Carville told me that the White House was in the wrong when it requested that the President address Congress on the same night and time as a Republican presidential debate.

“I do think this is a really big debate and I think the White House was out of bounds … in trying to schedule a speech during a debate,” Carville said on “GMA.”

This will be Gov. Rick Perry’s first debate, and as Carville said this morning the stakes are high.

“Given a choice between watching a debate and the speech I would have watched the debate and I’m not even a Republican or even close to being a Republican,” he said, adding it will be a “barn burner.”

Carville told me it doesn’t matter what Obama proposes anyway, it won’t get through Congress.

“Just go out and just document it, it’s not so much that the speech is important, it’s the follow up after the speech,” he said. “…this congress is not going to pass anything that the president proposes, that is pretty clear.”

Well.  Just another snotty comment to add to the long list of snotty comments Mr. Carville has made about President Obama, especially coming from someone who claims he is “not even close to being a republican”.  A DINO, perhaps?  Maybe just a Southern Good Ol’ Boy who doesn’t like what he is seeing in the White House?  Or sour grapes over the fact that "Three-Ball-Hillary" didn't get the nomination last time?   It’s hard to tell with a guy like Carville. 

Soooo … I am sort of beginning look to “Clintonistas” like Stephanopoulos and Carville to sabotage Obama in some way in 2012.  Note to self:  remember, narcissists care about themselves, not others, even their own party, so it makes sense when you look at it from this perspective.  One thing is for sure:  with democrats like Cajun Carville we don’t really need repiglickins.

In the meantime, I am confused . . .